When you lead an agency, people come to you with things they cannot settle themselves. A staffing problem. A complaint. A decision that will disappoint someone regardless of what you choose. You are expected to listen, weigh the consequences, and give direction. But when the problem is what you are carrying, who gets that call?
It is possible to have a phone full of contacts and still struggle to name someone you would tell the whole truth. Professional relationships often have a purpose: solve the problem, make the introduction, answer the question. That does not automatically make them places where you feel able to admit you are struggling. If every conversation requires you to be the person with the answer, your support system deserves a closer look. Knowing people and having people you can lean on are different things.
Choose someone who can hear an unfinished answer
Start with one person you do not have to impress. It might be a trusted colleague from another agency, a longtime friend, or a mentor whose relationship with you goes beyond your current position. The useful question is whether you can speak honestly before you have worked out what the problem means. You should not have to arrive with a polished explanation or an action plan. You need room to say that something is wrong without immediately turning it into another assignment.
Choose that relationship deliberately. Look for someone who can listen without making your situation about themselves, and who can disagree with you without making the conversation a contest. A person who only tells you that you are right may be reassuring, but that is not always useful. Someone who knows you well may notice when your explanations no longer match how you are living. Give that person permission to ask a second question when your first answer is that everything is fine.
Keep support separate from command
The people you supervise can care about you and still feel pressure to respond as employees. They may be unsure whether they are allowed to challenge your account, end the conversation, or admit they cannot help. That is a reason to build support outside relationships where you control assignments, evaluations, or advancement. It does not require pretending to be unaffected in front of your staff. It means considering what you are asking another person to carry and whether they can freely choose that role.
You can acknowledge a difficult period without sharing every detail. You can arrange coverage for an appointment without explaining the appointment to the entire organization. You can appreciate an employee checking on you while keeping responsibility for your own support with appropriate people. Those boundaries leave space for ordinary human concern. They also keep a conversation from quietly becoming an employee's responsibility to look after the boss.
Have more than one way to get help
One trusted person is a beginning, not the entire plan. A peer may understand the demands of command, while a friend outside public safety may know the parts of your life that have nothing to do with the job. A licensed professional offers a different kind of help from either relationship. These roles do not need to compete. Consider what you would do if your usual person were unavailable, or if the issue exceeded what that relationship could reasonably handle.
The National Institute of Mental Health recommends talking with a primary care provider when you have concerns about your mental health; that provider can help you connect with a qualified mental health professional.[1] You do not need to diagnose yourself before making that contact. Describe what you have noticed and what is becoming difficult. A peer conversation can be valuable without being a substitute for professional care. Reaching out for one does not prevent you from using the other.
Make room before another month disappears
A name in your phone will not help much if you keep postponing the conversation. Put time on the calendar and protect it as you would another commitment that matters. Decide how urgent work will reach you and what can wait until you return. If you cancel, arrange another time instead of leaving it at “we should catch up.” The point is to turn a good intention into contact that actually happens.
Be specific about what you need when you reach out. You might ask for time to talk something through, help finding a professional, or a check-in later in the week. If you are not looking for advice, say that. If the person cannot give you what you need, it does not mean the need was unreasonable. Try another person or route rather than treating one unavailable contact as the final answer.
Before this week ends, identify whom you would contact for an honest conversation and where you would turn for professional help. Then make one of those connections while you still have the time and attention to choose it deliberately. This does not have to become a public statement or another leadership initiative. It can be a private conversation that you stop putting off. The responsibility you carry does not remove your need for support.
For a broader discussion of Culture, Ownership, Response, and Example, explore Leadership at the C.O.R.E..
If you need immediate emotional support in the United States, call or text 988. In a life-threatening emergency, call 911.[1]
[1] National Institute of Mental Health, Caring for Your Mental Health, reviewed April 2026; checked September 29, 2026. Supports the professional-help pathway and crisis contact information. The leadership recommendations above are editorial guidance, not clinical treatment advice.